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  A Whole New Me

  J.C. Carter

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2020 by J.C. Carter. All Rights Reserved.

  To my husband,

  who never once questioned this crazy idea I had.

  And only offered encouragement and support.

  And

  For my son, you are the star that lights my way.

  A Whole New Me

  Chapter 1

  I made a mistake. I know that now, sitting here in this room all alone. But that's the thing about mistakes, you don't know you've made them until you know.

  My mother always says that. She's always ready with little sayings like that. And she always starts them with, "Tessa, honey" as if she's about to impart great wisdom on me. Even though most of what she says is sure common sense.

  But, I often find myself spouting them too. It seems fitting for the moment though, because my mother did try to warn me about this. She was very against me going to a school whose most appealing factor was that my boyfriend was going there. I try not to think about the conversation where I tell her that we already broke up. I'm not looking forward to that at all.

  It's funny how so much can change in the span of a few short days. One day you're planning a future with someone and you feel like you have it all. And the next thing you know, you're alone and everything is different.

  So, here I am, sitting alone in my dorm room on a Friday night. It's been almost a week and I still haven't unpacked, not even to put sheets on my bed. I've just been using my pillow and an old throw from home. I'm currently curled up on my unmade bed, just staring at the ceiling. I know I should get up and do something, but I can't find the motivation. I'm sad, and I've needed the past few days to wallow and come to terms with how things have changed.

  I arrived on campus five days ago with my mom and sister in tow ready to start this new chapter of my life. I was excited by all this independence and that my boyfriend and I would no longer have to sneak around to be together, because I had been given the gift of a single dorm. This meant that he could spend the night at my place, all night, and nothing was more exciting to me than this prospect. Though I realise now that it shouldn't have been.

  The boyfriend was already here, moving into his dorm with the help of his parents. His building wasn't far from mine and we had plans to meet up later. But later never came, because a few hours into move-in day I received a text. I honestly thought breakups via text only happened in movies. And I guess I never thought it would happen to me, because my perfect boyfriend would never do something so cowardly.

  Jackson: Tess, I think we should break up. I need to be with someone who likes what I like and it's college you know? The perfect place for a new start. I just think this is the best thing for both of us. But let's definitely still be friends. I don't want to lose you.

  I didn't even respond because really what was the point? What could I have possibly said? A part of me did want to argue, because the idea of being without Jackson was scary. But at that moment I realised that it was only scary, because he was comfortable and familiar. Not because what we had was some great love story for the ages, though I always acted like it was. I always acted as if we would be together forever.

  So, I said nothing. And I just kept on moving. I did surprise myself a little by not telling him off, because I've never been shy about doing that. I tend to be a bit shy around other people, but with Jackson I've always spoken my mind. But this time, I was rendered speechless. A miracle, my mother would've said if she'd known.

  The rest of the day went by in a daze, I don't even remember saying goodbye to my mom and sister. I vaguely recall unpacking some food, clothes, and the pillow and throw, but that's it. I didn't have the energy for much else, I wasn't devastated, but it did hurt. I'd have to be a robot to not be at least a little hurt by my boyfriend of a year breaking up with me via text.

  I heave a sigh and get up off the bed, the annoyingly skinny bed in my annoyingly small dorm room. I still can't believe I ended up here, at a school I never wanted to go to, for a guy that dropped me the moment he saw all the potential that college had to offer. It hadn't taken very long at all. When had I become that girl, the one who plans her life around a guy?

  But that's exactly what happened, l decided to go to this football centric school with a reputation for partying because that's where my asshole now ex boyfriend was going. And now, l have no boyfriend.

  I also have no friends, because I don't know anyone here, except the ex. But hey, at least I have my own room so there's no one to bother me.. I've been here for five days and I've already become somewhat of a recluse, holed up in this room surviving on the small amount of snacks I brought from home. And right now, I think I prefer things this way, I've never minded being on my own. Most of the time I still prefer books to people. Maybe that's part of the reason Jackson ended things and maybe I don't blame him. At least not entirely.

  But l know I need to do something, so I decide to finally unpack my boxes. Maybe the place will feel a little more like mine then. First things first, the books. My books always make me feel better. I brought them all, and there are many. Which means my room is mostly books, just the way I like it. Next is clothes and other essentials. I organize all my bathroom products for ease of use since communal showers are now a part of my life. And lastly I make the bed. I spent forever searching stores for the perfect bedding and I'm very happy with my choice. The sheets are a decent thread count and the blanket is the softest thing on the planet. And the colors, a soft green and blue, are my favorite combo.

  I decide that tomorrow will be spent decorating, or rather deciding what to buy so that I can decorate. My mom and I went shopping for all my essentials a few weeks ago. We got things like notebooks, pens, pencils, and a ridiculous amount of extra staples. We also made sure to get bathroom stuff, a microwave, and of course a backpack. Plus a whole host of other crap a new college student needs. But we didn't really get anything to add personal touches, besides the bedding. This place needs something to brighten it up a little more. Some posters or pretty wall art would probably do the trick.

  I mean, I wasn't expecting something spectacular when it comes to a college dorm room. The room is long and skinny with enough room for a bed, desk, dresser, bookshelf, and mini fridge. The closet is a decent size, almost like a very small walk in. But the walls are a plain white concrete and they definitely need some help.

  I make a shopping list that includes both food and things to make the room more comfortable, hoping that I'll be able to find all I need on campus or a place within decent walking distance. I can either walk or take the bus, because freshmen can't have cars on campus. I don't mind, because I've never liked driving, but I imagine it could be a bit problematic if I buy too much at once. I guess that's another thing I'll have to get used to, it's a whole new world.

  I also make a mental note to find some activities to join, even though it's the last thing I want to do. I'm an introvert, so the idea kind of terrifies me. But I have to try, because even though this is a school famous for football and parties, it's also a very prestigious academic institution and I know I'd be a fool not to take advantage. I'm here now and I have to make the best of things. Because if I'm being totally honest, the school isn't bad, it's the location that pisses me off. I'd always planned to go to school in New York, but I changed my mind for Jackson, because I didn't want us to break up. It scared me too much. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  It's pretty late by the time I've finished with everything, tho
ugh I can still hear the partying going on in other rooms. Not that I'm surprised. I mean it's college, people are excited and classes don't start for two more days. But, I imagine this is what most Friday nights will be like. I've never been a party girl. Again, I prefer the company of books to people and I suck at talking to people I don't know well. That's where Jackson and I were complete opposites. We did have some things in common, some small things. But the big things like what he liked to do in his spare time were completely different than mine. He mainly liked drinking and partying.

  He was always Mr. Popular in school. On the football team, a ton of friends, always a party to go to. I still don't get why he wanted to date me, but I never questioned, because he was cute and he treated me well. A whole year we were together, but now I'm thinking I was just a good way to pass the time. I'm not angry, not really. Just annoyed that I made decisions with him in mind and none of it even matters now. I'm not broken or damaged by this. I may be wallowing right now, I know I'll be fine with a little time.

  I know that this will affect my ability to trust though. Because I really didn't see this coming at all and now I feel ridiculously naive, like I've been walking around with blinders on. I don't want to swear off guys completely though. I like guys, I like sex, and I don't want Jackson to take that from me. But I will absolutely have my guard up, because I refuse to be made a fool of again.

  Not that I plan on chasing after anyone right away, that's not my style. If I even have a style. Jackson was my first and only serious boyfriend and he had been the one to pursue me. It's not that I think I have nothing to offer, I know I'm a pretty girl with a decent figure. And my olive skin courtesy of'myMexican heritage definitely attracts the boys. But I've always been more interested in reading and doing well in school than flirting with boys. So I really have no idea where to start when I eventually want to start something. I'll probably need someone to make a move first otherwise nothing may ever happen.

  I decide to venture out of my room to shower before I turn in for the night. I've never been a fan of showering in the morning. Going to bed after a shower always helps me sleep so much better. I grab my shower caddy and flip flops, my mother gave me a disgusting yet effective lecture on foot fungus, and headed out my door and down the hall. Of course I immediately bump into someone and when I say bump into, I really mean slam into with full force.

  "Oh my gosh I am so sorry," I practically yell while trying to pick myself up off the floor. I notice then that whoever I bumped into has dropped their stuff. Dozens of colored pencils are scattered around, so I immediately start scooping them up.

  "No worries," I hear someone say with a laugh. "I really should've been watching where I was going."

  I look up and see a girl about my height with light blonde hair and dark brown eyes. She's wearing paint splattered clothes and looks to be carrying an arm full of art supplies.

  I smile and say, "Maybe we both should have been. Oh, here are your pencils," I say, handing her the pile I collected.

  She reaches for them, still smiling and says, "Thanks, I'm Bronte. And yes," she continues before I can ask, "like Emily, Charlotte, and the other one who's name I can never remember. My mom is a big fan."

  I nod, laughing a little and say, "I am too, a fan that is. My name's Tessa. It's nice to meet you."

  And then I spot her necklace, the Deathly Hallows symbol on a chain, and I think I let out something like a squeal.

  "You like Harry Potter," I ask, hardly containing my excitement.

  I mean it's pretty normal to see someone out in the world wearing something Harry Potter related. But I'm excited because this is someone I'm actually talking to.

  "Oh my gosh yes, I'm obsessed. Like borderline embarrassing, it's what I'm known for in my family. Along with art, it's kind of my thing."

  "Me too," I say excitedly. "Maybe we could do a movie marathon or something sometime?" I surprise myself by suggesting it, but I'm glad I did, because she agrees instantly.

  "That'd be awesome." She grabs her phone, pushes a few buttons and hands it to me. "Put your number in." I do the same with my phone and wait for her to put in her number.

  "You wanna hang out tomorrow maybe? I've not really explored campus and I'd love the company. I've been holed up by myself in my room for the past few days." I cringe slightly when I say it, because it sounds kind of awful. But if she thinks so she doesn't comment on it.

  "Sounds great, just shoot me a text tomorrow morning and we'll set something up. I haven't really explored much either, I was late getting here and I just haven't been in the mood. I just kind of wanted to get my room set up and everything. Thought I was the only one," she says with a laugh.

  "Well, I'll let you get back to it. I'm sorry for crashing into you, but I'm glad to have met a fellow Harry Potter fan."

  "Same here, I'm sure we'll have plenty to chat about. I'll see you tomorrow then. I'm hoping I'll be able to get at least a little sleep even with all the noise," I say with a shudder.

  "Ha, good luck," she calls in a sing-song voice as she starts to turn away. "See ya," she waves and heads in the opposite direction towards what I'm sure is her room. I wave and continue on to the bathroom.

  After a surprisingly decent shower (with my flip flops securely on my feet) I head back to my room excited at the prospect of a good night's sleep, the first since I got here. I feel lighter and I know it's because I actually made an effort to make a friend today, even if it was completely by accident. I'm proud of myself and it feels good. It's late, but I send a text to my mom informing her of this new development. I know it'll make her happy. I crawl into my freshly made bed and fall asleep with a smile on my face.

  Chapter 2

  "Wait, you're telling me that Prisoner of Azkaban is your least favorite movie?

  But it's the best one,” Bronte practically yells at me. I groan, because I 100% anticipated this. It's basically what everyone says when this topic comes up.

  "Yeah yeah I know, it was the best book to movie adaptation blah blah blah. But you know what? It was too good. I like that the movies aren't exact copies, that they can stand on their own two feet." She shakes her head in dismay and I stifle a giggle. We're currently sitting at a table in a coffee shop on campus. We met up at ten this morning, both agreeing that coffee was a must. And since neither of us had explored much we decided to head downtown where most students hung out on nice days.

  It's an area with a few important campus buildings and libraries, further down is a single long street lined with used book stores, mom and pop shops, and cute little restaurants. We've been sitting here for almost two hours, just people watching and talking about Harry Potter. It's the most fun I've had in a long time. I try not to dwell on that thought as I focus back on the conversation.

  "Alright, so what's the thing that bothers you most about the movies? I hate that they didn't include the house ghosts more and that they left out Winky. I feel like everyone is upset about Winky."

  "No, I totally get what you mean. She was such an important character. But, for me it's something so silly." Bronte arches a brown in encouragement. "Well, I hate that in part 1 of Deathly Hallows, during the wedding scene, Hermione is wearing a red dress and in the book it's lavender. Like why can't they just quick to simple things like that?"

  "I hear Ya. Hey, you want to grab some food? I never had breakfast and I'm starving."

  "Sure, I'm definitely in the mood for something really bad for me. The more grease, the better."

  Bronte stops me from getting up with a hand on my arm and I give her a confused look. She stares for a second, a very serious expression on her face and says, "I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship Tessa."

  "Oh my gosh," I say. "You are a nut, let's go. You're starving, remember?"

  We make our way out of the shop and down the street, checking restaurants as we go. Eventually we settle on a cute little diner that looks to be the main hangout for undergrads. The place is packed, but w
e manage to find a two seater table near a window. There are formica tables and chairs with menus that look way old. But the food smells delicious.

  We both place an order with the waitress, big stacks of pancakes with hash browns and eggs and start chatting about some of the things we never touched on earlier.

  I learn that she was also raised by a single mother, though her dad is very much still a part of her life and a great guy, whereas my dad passed away when I was young. She's an only child, an art major. A fact that her mother hates and she's never had a steady boyfriend.

  "I've always loved to paint and mess around with different colors and textures. Eventually I'd like to own one of those paint shops where people come for fun. You know that paint and wine thing people do now? I want to offer that, but also teach, and maybe sell some of my own stuff. That's why I'm minoring in business, but my mom doesn't think it's a safe career choice. She wants me to choose something that's guaranteed. She thinks I should be an art teacher, because there's always a shortage of those."

  "That's still no guarantee. I mean nothing really is right? I want to be a journalist, my mom isn't thrilled with my choice either. She says I probably won't get steady work. So, I definitely get how you feel. I think they'd be worried no matter what. That's kind of their job," I say with a laugh.

  "True. Still, I wish she'd be a little more supportive. My dad wants to help me get started eventually, maybe that's why my mom hates the idea. They're always against each other," she says, letting out a sigh.

  I can tell she's not loving where this conversation is headed, so I try for something more light.

  "Do you read much Bronte," I ask and I can't stop smiling when she says yes but that she loves getting recommendations. And for the next little while, we don't talk about anything but books.

  We're both well into our food when we notice a commotion by the door. A group of what looks to be about ten football players, I'm assuming, burst into the place and start handing out some kind of flyer. I make no attempt to hide my snort and roll my eyes.